the man always waiting.

 
i have had so much on my heart lately that has just built up more and more these past two to three months. so many good + exciting + new things.. that i was too excited to just simply ask the Lord if it was from Him, or if it was just my impatient-ness. so tonight, i began just laying everything on my heart down before God. and one of the things that i've really, really struggled with that i wrote about is about things that don't eternally matter consuming my mind and effecting the way i spend my time- not using it to impact the God's Kingdom. and so tonight, i wrote. and for the record- i don't write. especially about stuff that reveals my heart.. but as i went back reading this i decided to put one of the things i wrote about on my blog. i wrote about how i've just been thinking about if God has a guy out there for me. and after this past year of how the Lord has changed me- and the things i want in a husband one day, are deep. i .will.not. settle for less than a Christ-CONSUMED man. i don't want a guy who just loves the Lord on Sundays and Wednesdays, or even a guy who just really loves the Lord. i want a man who is completely consumed by Christ- where we will lead each other not closer to ourselves- but closer to Christ- which teaches us to love each other more fully.



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since june of last year all the way through september of this year, the thought of marriage or even dating a guy i could literally not even think about. i had no desire to date. i had been put through physically and emotionally enough hurt in past relationships. my outlook on marriage- and relationships in general- had been distorted from those relationships- ones based on what the world says love should look like, what i thought they should look like- not God. after i surrendered my life + my plans + desires + dreams + hurts + everything to the Lord in December of last year, God began showing me that's not how He intended marriage to look. marriage is good- when the man pursues the woman as Christ pursues the church- marriage is good when the woman submits herself to her husband, just as we as the church (followers of Christ) are to submit to Christ himself- marriage is good when the husband & wife are loving each other in this way as Christ says for us to love, because the sole point of marriage is to glorify CHRIST. not make ourselves temporarily satisfied. and so, God slowly began showing me a glimpse of the goodness that is in marriage. but still during this time- after learning more and more about the goodness of marriage, the thought of actually dating someone one day, getting married + be vulnerable wasn't even a question. so, i kinda started to feel like since i didn't have these desires anymore, that was God showing me marriage wasn't for me. but, slowly my desires have been + are changing.

& tonight, as i was laying this all out before God, i asked myself about what if God does have in His plans for me to get married in the future.. then obviously that means that all this waiting i've done, waiting for that guy will be worth it right…? you know, all those nights wondering if the guy i'm gonna marry is out there in the world somewhere. what he is doing. what choices he's made. what choices he is making. how the Lord is moving in his life right now. do i know him. do i not know him. if not, when will i meet him. asking all these questions while at the same time not knowing if even getting married one day is something God wants for my life. and the list could go on and on and on. i guess it's kinda a girl thing.

but what if God doesn't have in His plans for me to get married in the future? all that questioning, waiting, thoughts, time consumed waiting for this guy who isn't even real is wasted.. when i could have used that time waiting to expand the kingdom. serve God. serve others. love others. + more. and if God doesn't have marriage for me, will i still be content in God and God only? without a husband. without kids. without my own family. without a nice house. without another income. without all of those good things that come with marriage?

and honestly, it's not easy.

it's hard.. really hard. it's hard when the world says i should be married- or at least dating- to be content. it's hard when people my age begin to get married and having babies, when i can barely communicate with a guy without being awkward. it's hard meeting a guy whose heart is so completely fixed on the Lord and not be swept away by the thought that 'that just might be my who God has for me.' (don't act like you haven't done it.) and the list could go on.

and then a question came into my mind asking- is it God who i really, honestly, wholeheartedly want? or is it the good things God graciously gives? …that shouldn't even be a question for a Christ follower. for me. it's so easy for that thought to creep into our minds & proudly and innocently lie to ourselves and say it IS God and God only we want. but- is it really? because- if it is, we realize:

that time we have waiting and not knowing- we would use not for wasted moments, but eternal ones!

that family we desire- we have in the body of Christ!
those children we want- we have in children of Christ, in orphans, in love!
that beautiful house- we will have dwelling in God's very house one day!
those endless riches- we will have when we are one day with Christ!

plus so, so much more, sisters!

but above all of these good things, the greatest?

that husband, we as women so deeply, greatly, and passionately long for- we have IN CHRIST HIMSELF. and will [soon] be with face to face! whether we do or do not get married. being content in God- married or not- should never, never, never even be a question for a follower of Christ. that gives me chills to just think about.

even when we don't physically have all of these things in the way we think we should have them, STILL- we can rejoice! because sooner, than we think- so.much.sooner- we will have these things + more.

HE is always waiting for us, friends! HE IS THE [ONLY] MAN ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, WAITING FOR US. [yes- US.] please, please, please realize this. read it over and over again until you understand that- JESUS is the ONLY man who will always, always- ALWAYS be waiting for you.  our lifetime of waiting here in this temporary home, it will be worth every second + so much more than words could ever say. all of those days that feel too hopeless to even get through, or even think back to- they will be worth it!

and so, as i write this- i hope this encourages you to wait- and not just wait on a husband, but wait on God. because God has you where you are FOR A REASON. and it is up to you choose if you use it your way, or His- and He WILL use that, trust me. if you are waiting for a husband- use that time God has given you waiting & use it investing in things of eternal worth.

regardless of how impossible it seems- sisters, please just do not settle. it will save you so. much. pain. so much heartbreak. so much regret. so much of those things i + so many others wish we could take back. so much wasted time you could have been using for the Kingdom.

Christ- and Christ alone is enough for us!